November 29

I’m… allergic to my perfume.

Good news! With minimal precision editing, makeup, and special effects, I was able to take my first hickey from “extremely obvious” to “could possibly be mistaken for a rash,” all thanks to my father’s freaky ability to stride into Sephora with $10 and emerge with half their inventory and an IOU from the franchise owner. We’ve christened him “The Extreme Couponer”, much to his chagrin. (I would tack on “from hell” if it wasn’t so redundant.)

Based on the fact that I chose to share this dating milestone with a panel of strangers on the internet, you can gather that Jonah and I are, admittedly, in a little over our heads with the whole “dating” thing. All of our talks about physical boundaries resemble a speed race, the first person to bring the conversation to a close becoming the undisputed winner.

But here’s the thing: as a Christian, I have decided not to have sex before I get married. That is, if I get married. (That includes all sorts of genital-to-anything contact.) But that is not the problem. The problem is me, not wanting to seem cold or uptight, and he, just being a teenage boy with urges and inclinations and muscle spasms, both of us existing in a world where chastity is viewed as prudish and traditional and ironically anti-feminist.

The hickey scared me, not because it meant that we had gone too far, but because I have never wanted to be in a relationship that involves any sort of deception, makeup tricks or otherwise. Hiding aspects of a casual dating relationship from other people seems to me to be the start of an unhealthy trend, full of control and sneakiness and jealously; one where the physical side of the relationship becomes the focus.

After the neck-blemishing incident, we both realized that we cannot continue to think of “hanging out alone in a room” as a date, and using words like  ***sheepishly gestures to lower torso***  in terms of outlining physical boundaries, all the while expecting to have a satisfying non-sexual relationship. I realized that Jonah and I have, albeit unwittingly, set up our relationship to make premarital sex easy and inevitable by blindly following the “norms” of dating in society, expressed in pop culture and reflected by the other couples at our school.

What are we thinking? Truly, we cannot expect to follow the same recipe as everyone else and end up baking a different muffin. (I admit that I, too, immediately imagined these metaphorical celibate pastries to be bran. But hey! Fibre!) If we want to stay pure in our sexual relationship, then sometimes we’re going to have to be crazy oddballs to the rest of the world. And that’s okay! I guess we’ll just have to decide what works for us, whether it’s what people expect or not. I’ve decided that I don’t care what anyone thinks!

But as soon as I start wearing tin foil to school, take me out behind the gym and shoot.


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Posted November 29, 2014 by Avery in category "Uncategorized


    1. By Avery (Post author) on

      Thanks, Sue! Coming from such limited experience, it’s wonderful to hear that I am on the right track! I’m just lucky to have a boyfriend who feels the same way as I do, or it would never work out between us! How are you and Bogie doing these days?

  1. By CherylM. on

    I admire that you have decided to wait for marriage. In today’s society that is not the norm… unfortunately.

    I think that today’s young people jump into/out of relationships so fast and don’t even consider the consequences of sex and the baggage it brings.

    It’s good to see that some young people do have morals and are willing to seem “odd” to stand up and follow them.

    Congratulations on finding a young man that is “on the same page” as you.

  2. By April on

    I have an acquaintance who specializes in human sexuality. Apparently, we women have those same urges and inclinations; we’ve just been conditioned to suppress them. (Sorry, I’m nitpicking because – while I’m sure you’re not doing this – I have met way too many people who want to give men and boys a free pass because “they can’t help it.” Rubbish. Rubbish, I say!)

    I think I might have had more to say, but your last paragraph reminded me that I have blueberries and a bag of flour I’m trying to use up.
    April recently posted…Let’s Do This, 2015 (Part Two)My Profile

    1. By Avery (Post author) on

      Thank-you for your comment! How interesting!

      Now that I think about it, that knowledge doesn’t contradict what society already believes about the differences between men and women; it simply wipes out the misconceptions that are so often associated with them. As if men’s uncontrollable desires indicate that those desires must be innately more powerful than those of their partners.
      I admit that I, too, had fallen prey to these assumptions.
      How would you say that this knowledge should change the way society acts in regards to human sexuality?


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