March 2

Apple’s newest emoticon

In our tech-savvy and tech-reliant day and age, we’re always finding new ways to do the things we’ve always done, online. Albert Einstein said, “I fear that technology will surpass our human interaction.”

Well guess what, Einstein? You’ve never heard of emojis.

This saviour of face, this paschal lamb of binary code, acts as a profound emotional reservoir to infuse lifeblood into our black-and-white 140 characters.

And now that technology is helping us through our most awkward, human encounters, emoticons have also monopolized our most unavoidable, most cringe-y conversations.

Enter: religion.

If you’ve ever sat down next to a Schizophrenic on public transit, talked to your uncle, Pastor Larry, at an Easter barbecue, or seen a Tibetan monk ever, even in a photo, you will be familiar with the following phenomenon: the “I want to convert you” face.

I have recently discovered this phenomenon- rather late in my development, admittedly. This is because, as your resident Jesus freak, I am usually the emoter, and not the emotee. But now that I am attending a Catholic youth group, the disparities between my denomination of protestant Christianity and Catholicism seem all the more prominent. And as I open my mouth to defend my views on praying to saints and the seven sacraments from a beanbag chair in a converted garage, my cries are muffled by twelve similarly-passioned youth, looking at me with a hybrid expression of near-impatient resolution and sympathy.

“In time,” they think. “She will be one of us, in time.”

And when I am added to the youth group Facebook page before 10 pm that same evening (how did they know my last name…?), and bombarded with very loving, very forward messages about how they hope I will come back next week and how they are praying for me, they might as well spare all those the words and send that one emoji. Believe me, I will catch their drift.

So, apple, I put it on your shoulders; the world is ready for a new emoji. One it can use to push its religion on its friends in the same indirect and subtle way it does in person. Or to assert the relative dominance of a certain band/brand/ice cream flavour. One it can use, perhaps, to convince Android fans that the iPhone reigns supreme.

Just think it over.

Copyright © 2014. All rights reserved.

Posted March 2, 2015 by Avery in category "Uncategorized


    1. By Avery (Post author) on

      Thank-you! :) And I agree; it could be versatile! More so, I would argue, than the “hamster” emoji!


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