December 26

Trigger Warning: Christianity vs. Islam

So I have been writing for a local youth blog for the past few months, and have subsequently neglected to post anything on this page. However, four months of lavishing in the internet fame that accompanies blogging for a website with readers in the double figures has caused me to realize the true, modest beauty of a site on which I can post something, absolutely anything, and be passive-aggressively confident that no-one will read it.

To be fair, I constantly test the limits of what I can get away with on this other, rather “vanilla” youth webpage, and am yet to see one of my articles rejected- it’s a game of chicken I seem to be losing consistently, and thus I will begin to discuss some of the more “controversial” topics on this forum, as to avoid further personal embarrassment. Basically, I am opting to perform for my stuffed animals instead of a live audience. To flirt with the mirror, instead of doing something reminiscent of flirting with an actual person. I’m opting for literary masturbation.

Now that I’ve got you excited about the idea, I’ll bring you back down to “comfortably confused and offended.”

Disclaimer: I barely know anything, my views are likely an exaggeration of actual truths, and I will probably make stark generalizations about such intimate things as God, faith, and religion. But here I go anyhow, clambering on with my highly problematic opinion. Well, here it is: on a practical level, I think that there are more similarities between Catholicism and Islam than there are between Catholicism and Protestant Christianity.

Let me try to explain; I attend a Catholic school, and have a deep, albeit objective, respect for Catholic practices and teachings. And obviously, as far as monotheistic religions go, there is one HUGE difference between Islam and other Christian religions, and that is, well, Christ. Muslims view Jesus as another prophet, while he is regarded in Catholicism and Protestantism as not only God’s son, but God. That’s another thing that Muslims don’t understand about Christianity- which I think is pretty understandable. At first, the concept of the Trinity actually appears rather blasphemous.

“So you pray to… three gods? And you call yourself a monotheistic religion? Oh, okay, so one God. Three gods… but just the one.”

However, I think that a lot of us don’t realize how similar Christianity is to the Islamic doctrine. I certainly didn’t, until, fed up with people who had probably never once spoken to a Muslim person about Islam quoting the Quran, grossly out of context, to support their misguided prejudices, I decided to read this Islamic book of faith. Here are a few of the things that surprised me-

1. It’s the same God. Maybe this isn’t a surprise to people who grew up in a non-Christian environment, but I went to a Christian private school where we were taught about Islam as if it was a weird and alien practice.  A lot of people seem to think that because Muslims say “Allah” and we as Christians say “God” or “Yahweh” that the God of Islam is somehow different from ours, and that praying to him is blasphemous. I think that this uninformed idea is further propagated by the fact that Middle Eastern culture is just so different from our North American experience, and thus a lot of the traditions that have developed around these two religions make them appear even more different on the outside.

2. Muslims believe in the Bible. Much like Judaism, they actively follow the first five books of the Bible, the Pentateuch. But instead of completely disregarding the New Testament, as in Jewish tradition, Muslims simply believe that certain parts of it have been mistranslated or corrupted over time, similarly to Mormons.

3.  Islam is far more accepting of other belief systems than Catholicism. Feel free to dispute this, but despite what people like to believe about Muslims wanting to “do away” with the infidels, the Quran explains that Jews, Catholics, and people from all other God-seeking religions will go to heaven. And the different levels of heaven in their theology have nothing to do with what religion one follows- only with righteousness and closeness to God. (To me, their belief in multiple levels of heaven is somewhat reminiscent of the Catholic doctrine of purgatory.)

As far as Catholicism is concerned, the church has been historically unaccepting of other religions. Until Vatican II in 1964, the official church teaching was that only Catholics could go to heaven. And I know what you’re thinking: “There are no radical Catholic terrorist attacks! It must be a far more peaceful religion.” But anyone who feels that Islam is the only religion that can be twisted to promote violence obviously doesn’t remember the crusades.

4. The Quran barely mentions anything about women wearing a niqab. Here is the verse that is often cited in support of the niqab:

     “You who Believe, do not enter the prophet’s apartments for a meal unless you are given permission to do so; do not linger until [a meal] is ready. When you are invited, go in; then, when you have taken your meal, leave. Do not stay on and talk, for that would offend the prophet, though he would shrink from asking you to leave. Allah does not shrink from the truth. When you ask his wives for something, do so from behind a barrier: that is purer for your hearts and theirs. It is not right for you to offend Allah’s messenger, just as you should never marry his wives after him: that would be grievous in Allah’s eyes. Allah has full knowledge of all things, whether you reveal them or not.” (Qur’an 33:53-54).

Obviously, I don’t have the historical or religious context to accurately interpret such a passage, but it seems like it could be applied in any number of ways. Actually, it seems that the Islamic practice of wearing of a niqab has come about more as a result of social and cultural factors than of any actual religious teaching. And while there are definitely verses in the Quran that refer to women as “lesser” than men, it’s important to remember that we’re talking about a book that was published in 632 CE.

And here are a few parallels to Catholicism that I was not expecting to find:

  • Unlike Protestantism, both Catholicism and Islam believe that good deeds, not just faith in God, are necessary to enter into heaven. (But at the same time, true faith is accompanied by works; it’s a tricky subject, and people from every denomination tend to be divided on it. So, on that note, never mind.)
  • Islam believes in a prophet and Imams to whom God continues to reveal important truths that affect Islamic teaching; the Catholic pope is said to have similar divine authority.
  • In both Islam and Catholicism, there are many acts and rituals that must be performed. Catholics are expected to follow the 7 sacraments. They must take communion at least once every year to become intrinsically united with Jesus Christ. Muslims follow the 5 pillars of Islam. They must fast during the month of Ramadan, and pray to God 5 times a day facing Mecca.

Of course, there are many fundamental differences between the two belief systems. Obviously, I am picking and choosing verses and teachings that help to support my opinion, and someone with enough writing prowess could probably write an equally biased yet equally compelling article comparing tiny armadillos to Joseph Stalin. And if it helps, this is probably offensive to everybody- Muslims, Catholics, Protestants, AND atheists- so you may all proceed to slam me in the comments.

All zero of you.



August 27

Noodle Boy

Poor Peter had the worst day today! And I totally blew it; he looked like a holocaust victim when I walked into Science class, but I didn’t ask what was wrong because this obsequious and nasally kid Jimmy asks me that every day and it pisses me off. I just didn’t want to make him uncomfortable. Unsurprisingly, Jimmy carried out his same routine on Peter. Only, Peter gratefully obliged and gushed about what a horrible day he was having, and left me completely exasperated.

Peter had woken up sick, but his parents accused him of faking and angrily drove him to school after he missed the bus. This meant that he had a raging headache for his Math unit final and was not exempt from fitness testing in gym. Not to mention, our school musical choreographer has recently been calling him “Noodle Boy” (a reference to his lanky and rather unresponsive arms) and hollering at him to be louder in front of the entire cast. To make things worse I accidentally poked fun at him about the “Noodle Boy” thing, when what I meant to say was “You are SO not a noodle boy.” This is a new record for me; I have befuddled what I was trying to say in the past, but never before has something spewed out as its antithesis! That was a regretful bus ride…

It’s funny, even though I am now equipped with a car and a driver’s license, I still prefer to take the bus on mornings when I don’t have to stay after school. I guess I like having time to reflect on things other than “that semi truck is about to crush my car.” And with proper Ginger Gravol sedation, finishing homework on the bus is not such a fanciful task! Unless, of course, it’s homework from Religious Studies. No amount of sedation can prepare anyone for the breed of subjective “personal reflection” essays that litter the syllabus like gum on the streets of New York.

On that note, I received a perfect grade on my Religious Studies project! Mrs. Guise was impressed with my allusion to Saint Mary in my anti-abortion video; she even asked me how I thought of the idea! (Obviously I didn’t tell her that I brainstormed “things that would please the most radical Catholic on the planet…”) I jest, but I am rather proud of the video. Like, “Pick on someone your own size?” That stuff is genius. Also, my mid-semester report from my Science teacher Mr. Coltaire ended off with “If I only had an army of Averys, life would be so great!” I am not sure if I should be thrilled, or on the lookout for anyone coming at my scalp with tweezers… Mr. Coltaire is a phenomenal teacher- one of my all-time favourites! He gives us two weeks to hand in any assignment, just in case we cannot find time in 332 hours to do a 20-minute lab. pfft! What does he think I do outside of school? Sports?

Speaking of which, our Gym class floor hockey unit is in full swing, and, against all genetic odds, I played well today! Considering I have the hand-eye coordination of the world’s first computer, this development made me rather (way too) excited. But Butch-Of-The-Year nominations are still too far off, so I cannot say anything for sure…

I was definitely joking about our school’s celebration of masculinity, but I suppose that, in some ways, “butch” is a fairly accurate description of me. For instance, I used to wish that I wasn’t a girl just so I could show off my pecs. (And, they are actually pretty massive. They probably account for 60% of my boobs.) I have my childhood weirdness to thank for this; between grades 1 and 4, every Saturday morning would see me up early and completing 300 push-ups in sets of 20, to pump-up music courtesy of “WOW Hits 2002″. (I would also run for 20 minutes on the treadmill; I think what finally brought the tradition to an end was one morning when I thought it would be a good idea to run with my eyes closed, tripped, and slammed into a wall.)  But, alas, “feel my pecs” and “feel my boobs” have two very different implications for two very different genders…


What about you guys? Did you ever wish to belong to the opposite sex? And why?

Bye for now,